Detecting examples of microaggressions in our daily
lives is easier when you know what you are looking for. The examples I am
sharing this week are a mix of old and new incidents that I have either experienced
or recently witnessed. Yesterday while I was at Wal-Mart shopping, the lady at
the cashier noticed my eyes and complemented me by saying “you have beautiful
eyes!” so I responded with a smile and said thank you. She followed up by
saying “they are different” again I smiled and didn’t quite know what to say. The
last I checked they were eyes so I am not sure what is the different about
them, perhaps the fact that they are colored and I am supposed to have brown
eyes in order to fit the stereotype, I am not sure.
One time while I was subbing at a Kindergarten class,
two little girls, one white and one Hispanic, walked up to my co-teacher at
recess and the little white girl complained that it was too hot, the co-teacher
responded “I know sweetheart, and your skin is starting to turn red, we both have fair skin, tell mommy to put sunscreen on you tomorrow”, her little friend asked “do
I tell my mommy too”, the teacher responded “ no honey, your skin doesn’t tan
as easy”.
One of the most common microaggressions used to
happen to me while I was a substitute teacher. When I enter a classroom, I usually
write my name, Mrs. Al-Omar, on the board. There is always that child who would
ask, “Can we just call you Mrs. A”. My response is always “No, not really,
because my name is Mrs. Al-Omar”. We have grown accustom to abbreviations and
short cuts, each generation is less patient than its successor and taking the
easy way out or exerting the least amount of effort when addressing people is
one of these cultural manifestations. To me, my name is my identity, it’s who I
am. I can understand some names are rather challenging, but that is exactly my
point, if you value me, you will take the time to learn my name and pronounce
it. The hidden message of shortening someone’s name to a letter is that your
name is too complicated and abnormal and I don’t have the time for it.
I will conclude with these common comments that my
daughter who wears a scarf often hears from kids at her high school. “Do you
sleep with it?”, “Do you shower with it?” “Do you have hair?” “Would your
parents kill you if you took it off?” and the infamous “Does your hair catch on
fire if you take it off?” Besides the
obvious question that is on everyone’s mind right now which is, what planet do
these kids come from? I believe this is our signal, as educators, that when it
comes to diversity education, our society is extremely ignorant and we have a
lot of work to do.
It goes without saying that my feelings towards microaggression
are that of frustration and insult. Discrimination,
prejudice, and stereotypes are all societal diseases that destroy its unity and
strip its people of their basic human needs, safety and security.
Rola, I can only imagine how your daughter must feel, and it must be difficult for her to constantly answer, trying to explain a part of her culture and herself.
ReplyDeleteI found your example of Mrs. Al-Omar very thought provoking. Just this past week, my boss gave me grids for my new reading students. On the top, she wrote Lois Watchel, and of course, I told her that she spelled my name incorrectly. She said, and I'm very serious, "I'll correct it next time, if I remember; remind me, OK?" Can you believe this? IF she remembers and next time... my last name is Wachtel, not Watchel; that's not who I am. Of course, lots of people pronounce my name incorrectly, especially when I'm doing a keynote. Some ask me the pronunciation ahead of time, and then, they pronounce my name wrong anyway; I don't know whether to correct them or let it be. Thanks for sharing; as always, it's a great post.
Rola,
ReplyDeleteIt's ashame how some people are not educated enough that their children are growing up not educated about the different culture and how diverse the world is today. And I agree with you when you stated that people my not no how to pronunce your name, but if they would take the time and ask the pronounciation then they would not ask if they could just called you and initial. Children today do not take the time for the necassary part of their daily schooling, some are so far behind the times.
Hello Rola,
ReplyDeleteAs always I really enjoyed your post. You always seem to put so much of yourself into your posts, and they always come across as so sincere and heartfelt. Like you I have received comments, or questions about my looks, including the color of my eyes, based on some other persons views of what a Hispanic woman is suppose to look like in their eyes, how absurd. And like you at times I have felt frustrated, but I just try to remind myself, that they are the ones that are naive, and at times even unaware of their own biases and prejudices. But I do realize especially after this assignment just how important it is for us as unique individuals to remind others that it is our differences that make us who we are. And I think you have shown us that by standing up for what you know is right like in your experiences with your name. I completely agree with you, if we let someone do something that is wrong going against what you believe in, especially when it comes to celebrating and being proud of who we are, then we are just as guilty as they are. And then we are definitely selling ourselves short, and denying our true selves, which also means denying our own identities. Great Job Rola, as always!
Sylvia