Relationships are the building blocks of our human nature. As social beings, we do not exist in isolation; we need relationships in order to survive. It is the healthy and positive relationships, however, that makes us thrive. The relationships that I have formed throughout my life offered me someone to share my joy and weather my sorrow.
My children:
My relationship with my children is the most important relationship in my life, it is what sets my mood every morning and gives me the strength to go on in life. I seized every opportunity to be involved in their lives. With the demise of my husband, two years ago, my relationship with them grow stronger as their fear of losing another parent drew them closer to me. Through my strong relationship with them, I was able to stay in-tune with their emotional needs. As they grieved differently, I had to connect with each one of them individually and nurture the relationship accordingly.
My eldest son, Yahya (16):
Having a teenage son is no walk in the park, however, our relationship remains strong because I decided to “choose my battles” with him. The key to a healthy relationship with a teenager is communication. I had to better my understanding of his stage of development in order to become closer to him. With him, I learned to listen more than talk, to forgive and forget, and most of all, to love unconditionally. In return, Yahya is the first one to give me a hug in the morning, he does it because “that is what dad used to do” he says. This is how he nurtures his relationship with me. He also talks about what happens with him at school, his friends, and his hopes and fears; something that I consider rare from a teen, yet it is how I know that our relationship is healthy and strong.
My daughter, Deema (14):
Deema is my only girl and as much as her dad loved her and tried to be close to her, she was always closer to me. When her father passed away, she matured overnight. She turned from my daughter into my best friend and confidant. Our communication is open and strong. We seek each other’s advice and trust one another. I catch myself, sometimes, forgetting that she is only 14 years old because of her level of thinking. Together we learned to cherish every moment we have, and not let a day pass without letting each other know how much we love each other and appreciate one another.
My baby, Amjad (11):
Amjad was my most challenging relationship out of the three. He was very attached to his father and even though I had a strong relationship with him, it took a while for him to overcome the loss. I strengthened my relationship with Amjad through one-on-one time. I accepted a job position as a resident substitute in his elementary school and was with him literally every minute of the day. Whenever I sub his classroom, I would take him out to lunch, just the two of us. After two years, our relationship has grown stronger, he is about to enter into the stage of puberty, and I hope that I can maintain our open communication and strong relationship through his teen years.
My sister:
My relationship with my one and only sister is also important. Growing up my sister and I, six years apart, had a different relationship than what we have now. Married with children, the two of us now relay on each other for advice, strength, and sharing the joys of life. Believe it or not, I think the key to maintaining our positive relationship is keeping a distance. When I first moved to California from Texas, I wanted to live near her. My husband suggested that we keep a distance to remain good friends. I didn’t see the wisdom behind his decision, yet as the years went by and our families interacted, I realized that it was indeed a wise decision after all.
My three best friends; Sana, Dina, and Rabia:
I can’t talk about one without the other. We are truly best friends. Our relationships grew each year from being lady friends to being family friends. Our husbands got along and our children were close in age and attended the same schools. We shared the same family values and parenting concerns even though we each came from a different country. One of the challenges we faced as our relationship grew stronger is trying to force our friendship on our girls. We wished that they would be as close as we were. We finally realized that the more we pushed, the farther they became. So, we stopped trying.
One of the most important lessons learned from the previously mentioned relationships and many others are that relationships are two way streets, you have to give and take, you have to be able to listen just as much as you love to be listened to, and if you truly invest in a relationship, your relationship will turn into a partnership that helps you thrive.
Having secure, positive relationships in my life had a tremendous impact on my professional life. It is through such relationships that I gained an understanding to view each child in my care as an individual, just as each of my children was an individual with different needs. My relationships with the adults in my life taught me that as an educator, I must listen as much as talk. It also taught me to reflect on my actions and how might I have communicated with others. Listening, reflecting, communicating, and committing are all keys to building successful relationships with others no matter who they are, young or old.
